Self-Regulation
What Is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is the developing ability to manage attention, emotions, thoughts, and behavior in ways that help a person respond appropriately to a situation and work toward a goal (Blair & Raver, 2015).
Self-regulation does not mean that children should never become frustrated, sad, excited, or angry.
It means learning what to do with those feelings.
These skills develop gradually. Young children often need an adult to help them regulate before they can do it independently. Through repeated experiences with patient and responsive adults, children can begin to use regulation strategies on their own.
What Does Self-Regulation Look Like?
Early Childhood
A child becomes frustrated because another child has a toy they want. Instead of grabbing the toy, the child asks the teacher for help or waits for a turn.
Middle Childhood
A student becomes angry after losing a game. Instead of arguing with classmates, the student takes a moment, calms down, and returns to the activity.
Adolescence
A teenager receives a message that makes them angry. Instead of immediately sending an angry response, they put the phone down, think about the situation, and respond later.
All three examples show the same growing skill:
Pause → Recognize → Regulate → Respond
How Teachers Can Model and Encourage Self-Regulation
- Think Out Loud
Children learn a great deal by watching adults.
Teachers can calmly describe their own regulation strategies.
“I am feeling a little rushed because we have a lot to finish. I am going to take a breath, look at my list, and decide what we need to do first.”
This shows students that adults experience emotions too and can manage them in healthy ways.
- Teach the Strategy Before the Problem Happens
A child who is extremely upset may not be ready to learn a brand-new calming technique at that moment.
Practice breathing, stretching, positive self-talk, asking for help, or taking a break while students are calm.
Then, when a difficult moment happens, the teacher can remind them:
“Remember the breathing strategy we practiced? Let's try it together.”
- Respond With Calm Co-Regulation
Children often borrow an adult's calm before they can find their own.
When a student becomes dysregulated, teachers can lower their voice, reduce unnecessary language, acknowledge the feeling, offer a safe choice, and give the student time to regain control.
For example:
“I can see that you are really frustrated. I am here. You can sit in our quiet space or take a few breaths with me. We can talk about what happened when you're ready.”
The goal is not to excuse inappropriate behavior. The goal is to help the child become regulated enough to reflect, problem-solve, and make a better choice.
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